realm's word

It's about time I had a rant and recent music related news has certainly fuelled the fire.

Kanye West.
Beyonce Knowles.

Two of the biggest artists probably on the planet at the moment. Recent happenings at the Mtv VMA's have propelled both artists to the news headlines. Kanye disgraced himself by barging on to the stage when country newbie Taylor Swift was collecting her award. Kanye swiped the MIC and talked of how wonderful Beyonce's video was, whilst Taylor stood in disbelief as some arrogant rapper ruined what should have been the highlight of her career. The camera's panned to Beyonce who also looked shocked and embarrassed - later Beyonce in fact called Taylor to the stage whilst collecting her own gong so that Taylor could finish her speech.

Next day, Kanye appeared on Jay Leno and instead of performing only (as already planned), he briefly spoke with Leno, who in turn asked all sorts of questions to which Kanye 'appeared' choked, remorseful and upset at his actions the previous night.

I still think that Kanye told Leno what to ask, bringing up 'what would your mother think?' as a question. Now, given Kanye had to stop a recent show in Manchester after becoming tearful about his mother, I find it highly unlikely that Leno would ask such a thing without being told to. Therefore, I think the award ceremony debacle was a PR stunt by and for Kanye where he'd be able to get lots of publicity and then show his 'real' side next day during a public apology, thus maintaining his wild persona as well as his human side.

For what it's worth, Beyone did well to show her disdain for Kanye's actions. To boot, I know how talented she is as a singer. But that's all you'll get from me when it comes to Beyonce positivity and praise. She is to me, the culprit for the demise of the original Destiny's Child - it was Beyonce's ego that lead to the original members leaving the group and again it was the Knowles family intervention that further split the group, leaving us with the trio; Knowles, Rowland and Williams. Their music got progressively worse and more irritating and Beyonce increasingly made herself the lead singer of the group. I understand that her voice is reason for her lead singer status, but the original group managed without her in this position very well indeed.

Kanye's said Beyonce made one of the best video's of all time.
I couldn't care less about meaningless music videos - ever notice how the worst songs have the best videos?

Good videos don't constitute decent music. I'm sick of this 'independent woman' sh#t she constantly spouts.
The lyrics: 'if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it' totally contradict her message... Beyonce refers to herself as 'it', an object. I'd respect Beyonce's talent if she didn't act like some diva b#tch with a giant chip on her shoulder.

The only one creating gender inequality is Beyonce - making issues out of subjects that were only pertinent 50 years ago. If you think that men always treat you badly, find a different man - you're an attractive and successful person - what are you scared of?

As for Kanye West - he was treading on very thin ice in my view...way before the VMA stunt after releasing the musical atrocity that is 808's and Heartbreaks.

My money's on Kanye releasing a collaboration track with Taylor Swift in the future. If that happens, my theory that this was a purposeful PR stunt will be proven. I'm done with Kanye for good.

I’m not biased when it comes to the geographical origin of my musicians, nor am I patriotic for my home country, England. That said, let’s take a look into British Soul and why it stays true to Soul roots.

Clearly, soul as a genre does not originate from the UK and is certainly a more niche market for the UK than it is in the States. With smaller audience numbers comes less money, with less money in turn comes less desire for newcomers to make it and so the cycle continues and the filtration system is ongoing. What this has done for the UK soul scene is in fact a blessing, in my opinion. You see, those Brit Soul ‘originators’ from the 90’s era are all still around – not half bad for ‘copycat’ Soul artists. The reality is that yes, influence was taken from USA based music, but where did the USA music take influence from? It certainly didn’t just appear out of nowhere and given the USA’s relatively short history as a country, their music in fact is a blend of various cultures – Europe, Africa and more. So the UK Soul scene is therefore not a copycat and comes with full credibility. Writing this, and thinking about the pre-millennia music, the amount of talent in the UK – a small island – is quite frankly, astounding.

Beverly Knight, who last night launched her latest album, first cut an LP in 1995. Bands such as Soul II Soul and The Brand New Heavies have both recorded some benchmark tracks and solo artists: Seal, Omar, Sade and Mica Paris all continue to make fine music. Other contributors such as the late (GREAT!) Lynden David Hall, Des’Ree, Maxi Priest, Incognito, Tony Momrelle and Young Disciples also get major credit, not to forget Jamiroquai. What makes me most proud is that every artist listed above stuck to their original game plan, making great music and conforming as little as possible to the media hype which so often places strain on musical integrity.

So, what keep the UK’s soul scene pure? Clearly, the 1990’s were dominated by Brit Rock and the emergence of Hip Hop, not forgetting the wave of Boy and Girl Bands. Music was taking a new direction and the Jazz, Funk and Soul derivative genres were given room to breathe, cross pollinate and bloom without ulterior motive. Acid Jazz became prevalent and cool vibes emanated from the quiet corners of the UK’s music scene – those ‘in the know’, knew something. Thankfully, good music always gets its reward and some UK Soul got critical acclaim, filling the pockets of the necessary record companies and subsequently allowing the Brit Soul scene to be credible enough in the music industry for major labels to sign up artists.

Yet today we still see these artists maintain their original essence, for this I personally am thankful and respectful of, not to mention full of admiration for the hard work and perseverance.

Enjoy a selection of UK soul music and other derivatives on my Happy Friday Spotify playlist album... clearly Spotify limits the options, but there are a few gems there... simply open Spotify, and paste this into the search bar: spotify:user:gavvyb:playlist:4zhIG7Z21pZ4j0UzxZ7VXY

Yes, I’ve given Vikter Duplaix enough ‘props’ on this blog.
But given my recent disappointment after a certain new album by another of my most favoured Neo Soul artists, I’ve decided that I wish to keep positive.
After all, I’ve written of my acceptance for artists who are ‘indie soul’ and make the crossover to mainstream – everyone’s got to eat.

More on the above matter to follow, no doubt.

For now, it gives me great pleasure to see that one of my bestest artists has provided a soothing relief to his fans fears by allowing for a FREE download of his newest track which continues to follow his non conformist form of music. Thankfully, Vikter Duplaix couldn’t care less about conforming to mainstream sounds, instead opting to be himself.
I know Vik is recording a new album and the single ‘Electric Love’ makes me think that I won’t be disappointed upon its immanent release. Although, I thought the same thing when I heard a snippet of Eric Roberson’s ‘Borrow You’ a few weeks ago...
‘Yes! A good new album this way comes’ my mind told me.

Alas last week, my ears disagreed, regretting to inform my brain that ‘Music Fan First’ was a massive let down, despite a few decent tracks. I don't blame Eric Roberson, he deserves commercial success. I'm just disappointed as a long term fan.

Eric Roberson review to follow, if I can bring myself to go through the hurt of listening to it once again – having done this a few times over the last week, I’m inclined to give it a miss, along with the October gig of Erro which I had intended on attending.
Sigh... It seems that I've managed to contradict my earlier statement, Eric Roberson clearly upset me enough to discuss him on a post initially intended to inform of another artists newest effort. Apologies. I digress, by nature.

Go to Vikter Duplaix’s website for a free download of his great new single... you won’t be disappointed, this I can assure you.

Click on www.vikterduplaix.com for the free download.... then buy his album when it's out.

I'm finally back after taking a Blogging break, sorry about that - had things to do!
So to play catch up, I'll be reviewing some new Ultrasone DJ Pro Headphones very soon, letting you know my opinion on the new Erro album and a few other bits... and if I'm not mistaken, Happy Friday last week was, well...not Happy at all... seems I owe you.

News wise, Erro's Music Fans First' album went straight into the RnB Chart top 10 in its first week, credit where it's due, he deserves commercial success after so many years hard work.

Nas and Damian Marley are to release an album together, which I'm looking forward to, watch more here...

Mariah Carey has finished recording a new album, the same can be said for Ludacris.

'Somehow' (yeah, like we're naive enough to think that new recordings of songs actually 'leak' within minutes of being recorded - EVER NOTICE HOW ARTISTS NEVER SUE THEIR PRODUCERS/RECORD COMPANIES ETC FOR LEAKING THEIR LATEST SONG? PERHAPS ITS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT THEY DO IT ON PURPOSE, STOP INSULTING OUR INTELLIGENCE. JEEEEEEEEES. It would be a lot more truthful if they said 'here's a demo of one of my new tracks, do you like it?') Monica's new song is ready for the listening... Click here for a snippet
It's OK. Good vocals but a bit annoying and 'too much' They you go Monica, that's what I think, now stop over complicating your music.

Nivea is a type of moisturizing face cream and a name for an RnB singer who shot to short term fame on Mystikal's 'Been So Long'. Well, here's her latest track, sounds a bit Mya, a bit Rihanna (puke) and clearly somewhat meaningful to Nivea lyrically. Judge for yourself here

Speaking of Mya.... I always liked her, she was sweet, playful and had a nice voice.
This comeback from her is just a let down in every aspect, sorry to say so. I can't bring myself to review it.

I know that this is a somewhat simply post, but I'm too busy to be playing today.

Simply put, whilst working today, I've been listening to a few albums, end to end. This is something that I seldom do, as there are few albums which allow for continual playback without interferences of skipping or leaving out a couple of tracks.

I’m gratefully reminded today of two facts.

The first being the Jill Scott, whilst a talented and consistently good musician, will likely never repeat her 2000 release ‘Who Is Jill Scott?’. IT is flawless, Jazzy, Soulful and full of attitude. Yes she’s done plenty of good work since, but this album was recorded on another planet. Listening to ‘A Long Walk’ for the millionth time since I first laid ears on it (?!) I’m reminded of the sheer amount of work that went into recording the ever changing layers of vocals – every time you listen, you notice a different vocal. Genius, pure and simple.

The second fact was that Hip Hop today should model itself around Kero One’s musical blueprint. Today I pressed play on ‘Windmills of the Soul’ and when that was done, straight onto 2009 release ‘Early Believers’. I don’t tire of his music and there’s simple nothing to dislike.
Granted, there will be people who disagree, but those are the same people who are either listening to Lil Wayne or perhaps Asher Roth, thinking they know and understand what’s actually important the Hip Hop world.
You need to have a flow, you need to have lyrical content, you must move in credible circles, you must think of musical creativity and purity ahead of what will make sub woofers pound... do you follow me?
Kero One is to me, a hope, a glimmer of real light in an otherwise dull musical genre... Hip Hop has been fighting for the full 12 rounds and is in a daze, Kero One should be considered as the smelling salts that wakes the World up and allows Hip Hop to fight another day.
Pressed and released his own first single and continues to release music independently, I’m not doing freebie’s on this post, support good music.

Kero One - Welcome to the Bay (Official Music Video) from plug label on Vimeo.

Ever had problems understanding what these Rappers are saying? In reality, nobody actually knows the meaning of what they’re saying and that rule extends to those actually using the language.

‘Ebonics’ might be a term that most would not recognise or some might remember from the Big L (RIP) album – but it strikes me that most people certainly don’t know what it means. Cue the Wiki search... You done?

So, now you’ve Wikipedia’d ‘Ebonics’ and I don’t need to explain what it means. My personal concern is that somewhere, most likely in the 1970’s when people evolved Ebonics into Jive talk, the water became so muddied that words got lost in translation.

In order to partially clear this issue up, this is the first instalment of a lyrical translation of a famous Rap track by West Coast Crip gang members Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg from Dr. Dre’s ‘The Chronic’ album:

Black text is the original lyric, Red Text is the translation of previous line or paragraph

One, two, three and to the fo
One, two, three, Four
Snoop doggy dogg and dr. dre are at the do
Cordazar Calvin Broadus and Andre Young are at the door
Ready to make an entrance, so back on up
Stand aside as we’re about to walk through said door
[cuase you know we bout had to rip shit up]
[by now you should be aware that we will cause a scene]

Snoop Dogg:

Gimme the microphone first, so I can bust like a bubble
Please allow me to commence, I’m raring to go
Compton and long beach together, now you know you in trouble
He’s from Compton and I’m from Long Beach
Aint nothin but a g thang, baaaaabay!
Please excuse our baby like ways, but being Gangster’s is all we’ve ever known
Two loc’d out gs so were craaaaazay!
As do most Crip Gang members, we are wearing Loc sunglasses, which means we are mentally unhinged
Death row is the label that paaaaays me!
We’re signed to the Death Row record label
Unfadable, so please dont try to fade this [hell yeah]
Please do not switch this song off, nor indeed kill me (I concur)

But, uh, back to the lecture at hand
Perfection is perfected, so Im a let em understand
From a young gs perspective
What was my point before? Oh dear, I digress, to date I’ve had an important life lesson
Let me tell you, practise makes perfect
I learnt that as a child

And before me dig out a bitch I have ta find a contraceptive
You never know she could be earnin her man,
And learnin her man, and at the same time burnin her man
It is imperative that one should practise safe sex
There are ladies who try to take advantage of men
These ladies appeal to a gentleman’s’ ego, all the while hoping to mislead and ultimately conceive a child
Now you know I aint wit that shit, lieutenant
Aint no pussy good enough to get burnt while Im up in it
I agree, I too am against ladies who do such things
I’d be disappointed if any ladies I know did that to me
Now thats realer than real-deal holyfield
And now all you hookas and hos know how I feel
You’re quite correct in your opinions on this occasion
And all you ladies listening, I think I’ve voiced my concerns, but to confirm
Well if its good enough to get broke off a proper chunk
Ill take a small piece of some of that funky stuff
You know, as opposed to finding a lady of such ill intent
I would prefer to participate in the consumption of illegal narcotics

Its like this and like that and like this and uh
Its like that and like this and like that and uh
Its like this and like that and like this and uh
Dre, creep to the mic like a phantom
We cannot think of a chorus to what is admittedly, a strange subject of song
We cannot think of a chorus to what is admittedly, a strange subject of song
We cannot think of a chorus to what is admittedly, a strange subject of song
Andre, stop being shy, it’s easy, have a go

Dr Dre:

Well Im peepin, and Im creepin, and Im creep-in
I’m spying in preparation for a drive-by shooting
But I damn near got caught, cause my beeper kept beepin
That was close! My victim almost saw me, I shall switch my Pager to vibrate mode
Now its time for me to make my impression felt
Now’s as good a time as any to make my move
So sit back, relax, and strap on your seatbelt
Car safety is of the utmost importance to me, please buckle up - did you know that even if my passengers dont ear i belt, i can get points?
You never been on a ride like this befo
I’m willing to bet that you have never been on such a metaphorical ‘journey’
With a producer who can rap and control the maestro
I can multi task
At the same time with the dope rhyme that I kick
On one hand, I am able to speak in rhyme form
You know, and I know, I flow some ol funky shit
All whilst maintaining a funk like disposition
To add to my collection, the selection
I select music from a wide repertoire
Symbolizes dope, take a toke, but dont choke
My repertoire tends to be narcotic driven, but don’t let that surprise you
If ya do, ya have no clue
If you are surprised by this, please see the previous verse where my colleague mention the narcotic side of things
O what me and my homey snoop dogg came to do
Both of us enjoy music and narcotics, we see them as our calling

Its like this and like that and like this and uh
Its like that and like this and like that and uh
Its like this, and we aint got no love for those
So jus chill, til the next episode
We cannot think of a chorus to what is admittedly, a strange subject of song
We cannot think of a chorus to what is admittedly, a strange subject of song
We cannot think of a chorus and we dislike various individual people
The song is almost finished, feel free to relax


Snoop:

Fallin back on that ass with a hellified gangsta lean
I shall take a seat for this verse, similar to a car with custom suspension
Gettin funky on the mic like a old batch o collard greens
Much like green vegetables which are past their ‘use by’ date, I shall now make an awful aroma on the microphone
Its the capital s, oh yes, the fresh n double o p
I am able to casually spell out my stage name with whimsical basic rhymes
D o double g y d o double g ya see
I told you I could rhyme my stage name, that’s why I chose it
Showin much flex when its time to wreck a mic
I can really show my abilities when I want to
Pimpin hos and clockin a grip like my name was dolomite
I run a human traffic empire and I’m a big man, a superhuman if you will much like Dolomite,
Yeah, and it dont quit
Did you think I was a quitter, let it be known, I’m not.
I think they in a mood for some mothafuckin g shit
The audience are clearly in need of being taught more about us Gangsters

So dre. [what up dogg? ]
So, Andre.. (you rang, Calvin?)
We gotta give em what dey want [whats that, g? ]
People want things (I don’t follow you?)
We gotta break em off somethin [hell yeah]
We’ve not made much sense as of yet, we’re merely talking around the point (so we are)
And its gotta be bumpin [city of compton!]
Let’s tell them more (yes, more about my home town of Compton)

Its where it takes place so Im a ask your attention
Geographically, Compton is a vibrant place
Mobbin like a mothafucka but I aint lynchin
I’m part of a local group of misfits with the Oedipus complex, but we do not participate in drive-by shooting
Droppin the funky shit thats makin the sucka niggaz mumble
Once again, back to my abilities as a musician, I do enjoy funk
When Im on the mic, its like a cookie, they all crumble
When I perform, people around me seem to fall over
Try to get close, and your assll get smacked
If you get cheeky, I shall bend you over and smack your bottom
My mothafuckin homie doggy dogg has my back
My friend Calvin who too has the Oedipus complex is also a masseuse, which is a plus
Never let me slip, cause if I slip, then Im slippin
Calvin never lets my back go untended, he takes massage oils wherever we go
But if I got my nina, then you know Im straight trippin
As a precautionary measure, I bring my gun with me, as the USA allows such things legally
And Im a continue to put the rap down, put the mack down
I intend to carrying on with my music career for the foreseeable future
And if your bitches talk shit, I have ta put the smack down
I’ll be most displeased if people don’t like my music as I work so hard on it
Yeah, and ya dont stop
This is a grey area for me, not much I can say after that previous comment
I told you Im just like a clock when I tick and I tock
Life goes on, much like time
But Im never off, always on, til the break dawn
I’m an insomniac
C o m p t o n, and the city they call long beach
To remind you, I’m from Compton and Calvin is from Long Beach, both of which are in Los Angeles, California
Puttin the strength together
Between us, we have twice the muscle power
Like my homey D.O.C., no one can do it better
I have a friend called Tracy Lynn Curry, if I was named that, I took would change my name to D.O.C., he once made a record called ‘No one can do it better’

Like this, that and this and uh
Its like that and like this and like that and uh
Its like this, and we aint got no love for those
So jus chill, til the next episode
We cannot think of a chorus to what is admittedly, a strange subject of song
We cannot think of a chorus to what is admittedly, a strange subject of song
We cannot think of a chorus and we dislike various individual people
The song is almost finished, feel free to relax

It seems like I've an increasingly 'old man' outlook on the world and at the tender age of 25, It's somewhat worrying.

When it comes to Hip Hop however, I feel that my age puts me in a decent position to have the odd moan, given that myself - Realm - and she -Hip Hop - are of similar (ish) ages. Whether you think that's justification or not, quite frankly is immaterial, those who know me will testify to the fact that I believe I'm always right.

There has been little to make me feel as if Hip Hop has much much to offer me any more. Like any fan, I've watched it fall into a state of seeming perpetual disrepair pretty much since it's initial conception - and I'm not naive enough to misunderstand why, everyone needs to eat and so the money takes over, that's the world we live in.
However there is the odd occasion that makes me think otherwise.
It seems that there are those artists who thankfully keep the light shining bright and with the global/international creative minds adding to the 'new wave' Hip Hop, there does seem to be some hope left. I personally think that the likes of Dj Mitsu The Beats are amongst those kindred spirits who recognise how Hip Hop should sound as we continue into this new millennium.
Readers will know that I'm a Neo Soul kinda guy, which will also tell you that Hip Hop for me needs to have some sort of credibility either in it's lyrical content, instrumental or both (preferably).

Who better to personify my point than Wes Ellington Felton... son of infamous Jazz pianist Hilton Felton (may he RIP, 13/02/2007), Wes has the pedigree and comes from the Washington DC movement who collectivey are firmly fixed on the Neo Soul circuit with the likes of Raheem Devaghn and Sy Smith making waves. The album has spacey beats, meaningful lyrics and guest appearances from some of my current individual artists of the moment - Bilal Salaam, Chronkite (Raheem Devaughn) and Yahzarah (Purple St James).

To understand my sentiment about the disrepair of Hip Hop, listen to 'Breathe A Bit'.

If you like this album, be sure to check out the Crossrhodes albums - the group to which Wes belongs.

This isn't an album review, judge it for yourself... I've put a link to a place where you can download a version of Mr Felton's fantastic 'Distraction City'. Once you've got a taste, please DELETE IT and BUY the album - support good Hip Hop.

We’ve all heard the term ‘slept on’ used by ‘holier than thou art’ music reviewers who are so short-sighted that they genuinely believe that they’re the only people to have heard certain songs or artists.

To me, the term refers to artists or songs that were never appreciated for their true genius, be it an unknown album by a popular artists or a musician who never quite reached the dizzy heights of their potential with recordings being in limited supply and once sold out, lost to the depths of a dusty record box.

Few genre’s are slept on more than Jazz and Funk and for obvious reasons.

Jazz comes in various guises and whilst many would love to love it, they just can’t get into the raw, artistic musings of a live musicians ten minute solo epic which is so often the deterrent to so many Jazz-club first timers. For me, Jazz remains the modern day’s most pure form of music and remains the antithesis of ‘cool’, even if it’s a genre that has in reality changed little since its conception.

Funk is easier for the masses to swallow and digest. It is, on face value, light hearted and comes with the head-nodding element. That said, a popular Funk track will in most cases require some sort of repetitive hook to allow for crowds to learn the words and sing along to, or alternatively have a decent ‘break’ which subsequently allowed DJ’s to mix, cut and juggle whilst the B-boys do their ‘thang’. Funk is designed for clubs in the same way that Disco was, the former subsequently created Hip Hop and the latter started the House music movement. The former gained popularity whilst being ‘publically’ played in Punk Rock clubs and the latter was ideal for the Gay scene – then record labels and money got involved with both.

In true cyclical fashion we now see modern day derivatives of Hip Hop, ‘RnB’ and ‘Rap’ merging together where artists collaborate to ensure commercial success across both fan bases (see Jay-Z and R. Kelly collabo albums as proof). However, as the genre has exhausted creativity and top name producers have all seen their hay days after years of hard work (Neptunes, Timbaland et al have been around for a LONG time and only recent got full recognition as artists in their own right) and where has ‘RnB/Rap’ moved to?

Answer: House.

Replacing the lower tempo beats normally associated with the genre, RnB/Rap musicians have noticed a decrease in their popularity as target audiences grow older and so in order to move with the times, artists such as Ne-Yo and others now incorporated their RnB style with an up tempo, club friendly House beat. On the more strict House music side, we see the increasing incorporation of live instruments to add more depth to the bland 4/4 beats which put deter so many through repetition. Of course, there’s Funky House, Jazzy House and hundreds of other variations. Rnb, Rap and Hip Hip too have sub genre’s where some artists try to stay true to ‘proper’ music.

It’s almost an admission in my view, that musicians of said genres tend to lean towards incorporating original elements of other foundation genre’s in order to add credibility to their music. Don’t get me wrong, I still listen and I really enjoy fusion music.

I compare music to textile fashion though. My wardrobe changes in colours, patterns and cuts. However the constants remain: I still wear Trousers, Shirts, Jackets, Shoes, Socks etc and furthermore, within those main categories of clothing, I will always have a classic White Shirt.

The White Shirt is to my wardrobe what Jazz is to my music - The one true constant that works with everything, no matter what the fashion.

You can quote me on that, perhaps it’ll be etched on my grave in 70 years or so.

This all brings me back to my original point, many artists are ‘slept on’ but none so much as in the Jazz genre where the music has and seemingly will always remain the artistic expression of emotion that is perhaps only ever truly understood by one person – the musician who made it.

It wasn’t my intention, but it seems the day emerging along my path as designed by the forces of evil is in some sort of perpetual annoyance scheme, has driven me to the point where I require a canvas on which to paint my frustrations. If my mind state today was a picture, it would strike a resemblance to something straight out of David Bowie’s Labyrinth movie – I’m talking upside-down stairs leading to doors which lead to rooms full of doors mounted on the floor. In a nutshell, today’s one of ‘those’ days, everything that I find frustrating has happened so far.
Since my Yoghurt and Fruit meal, I’ve taken a trip to the local shop to buy my lunch and second lunch (Since you asked: Chicken (dark meat) and Pilau rice. Later, Chicken (white meat) with Caesar salad.)
That’s where the first annoyance took place. The cashier put my shopping through his barcode scanner and I duly packed the contents into a bad. He told me the bill total, I paid in cash. Upon taking the paper-form currency from my light grip, the cashier looked up and smiled in my direction and for a moment I was sure his pupils were vertical, ellipse shape with a rouged tint. I thought nothing of it and awaited my change and in that moment it all became clear as I held out my left hand, fingers close together, palm flat. The cashier leant over and I observed as if stuck in some sort of flux state whilst the receipt was placed into my palm followed by some small change on top. Unsuspecting, I moved my hand horizontally back towards my body but no matter how slowly I moved the frictionless surface areas of both receipt paper and coins made for a slippery movement and like an over-rushed waiter carrying too much food on a tray, the coins slipped off.
Question: How do we make it a law that all cashiers must place coins in your hand before the paper receipt? Or is that too much to ask?
Note to self, always pay by card.

Secondly, there is a black BMW car parked on the street outside and for two days, it’s alarm has been irritating me.

That is all.

Since my previous post today, I have eaten my mid-morning Yoghurt and Fruit meal (my gym trainer has put me on some crazy, strict 5 meals per day regimen – I’m not overweight, if that’s what you’re thinking – I’m hoping to gain a pound or two and get healthier, inside and out).

I’m at work, in the office and so eating takes second place to menial office tasks and phone calls. Perhaps this post is going to give you a less rose-tinted view of me as I would like to share a couple of annoyances, the nauseating happenings in day to day life that many would deem as trivial, but in my mind are in fact as irritating as wearing the same T-shirt in which you had your hair cut last time you wore it (those tiny, prickly hairs which get caught in the seam of your Shirt collar, you know what I mean). In writing this, my eccentricities are blinding me from my original point as I start to reminisce on the years of visiting various Hairdressers who never failed to cover me in my own shorn locks.

I’ve yet to get a haircut without requiring an immediate shower to remove the sharp yet microscopic off-cuts of unwanted hair length from my ear holes, face, neck, back and chest. Why wash my hair before you cut it if I’m going to have to re wash immediately? And, how can you charge me for a ‘Wash, Cut and Style’ knowing full well I’ll be re-washing and therefore re-styling?

No, I want a dry hair cut, without pre-wash or post-cut style. As a result, I want a discount. Furthermore, if you intend on showering me in my own follicular waste, I want money towards the cleaning or replacement of the garment covering my upper body. A visit to the Hairdresser is not my way of conceding my T-shirt to the depths of my wardrobe due to newfound itchiness.

Back on point – Yoghurt and Fruit. It all seems trivial now, following my shared thoughts on hair. However, I can’t be the only person in the world to get that stomach-somersaulting feeling when I see the putrid, thick skin that forms at the top of a Yoghurt pot. You know, you peel back the foil lid of the plastic pot and collected around the edges in a gooey death-ring formation is an unnecessary collection of Yoghurt. Firstly, it’s a waste of perfectly good food, but much more importantly, it’s gloop and although I’m aware that it’s as untarnished as the ‘normal’ yoghurt collectively based below in the pot, there is no excuse for it to separate and adopt a thicker texture to the rest. The same rule applies to the layer which covers the inside of the foil lid. What really makes me sick is when people lick the lid. For lack of a better word: EEW!

Second point – I understand that when Oxygen touches the flesh of an Apple, it turns brown (although the moment is does so, I refuse to eat it) and I accept that (well, ish). But what I’m not willing to make a concession with is... if they can genetically modify fruit, please create some sort of Banana with armoured skin. There is nothing worse than buying a bunch of Banana’s, waiting a day or two for them to ripen whilst not touching them (no dropping, throwing or moving) then finally peeling back the dark yellow skin, only to find massive bruises. I don’t want to eat a piece of fruit which resembles a Rugby players’ leg.

Rant done, but I’ll be back.

It always amazes me how we 'musical types' tend to create an alter ego-esq name, or 'stage name'.
I'm a victim of the same strangeness, I came up with the name Realm because, well...because - there is a reason but there doesn't seem a need to me to divulge it right now!

Perhaps some do it for privacy, others want to forget their given name, others just like the idea of being able to name themselves and create a new persona. Then there are those who have their name because that's what others have called them for years and have since conceded, referring to themselves forevermore as whatever that name may be.

I don't however appreciate the constant requirement to add further pseudonym's to already far fetched nick names. Take Puff Daddy aka P.Diddy aka Diddy aka Sean Coombes aka Sean John aka Puffy aka Puff...... I mean COME ON, choose a stage name and stick with it. And I know, I know, Puff Daddy isn't fully at fault here - it's in part down to his absent minded 'crew' who are so useless that they struggle to say his full name either correctly or perhaps due to the multi-syllabic structuring. Everyone who is fluent in English is aware that the title/name 'daddy' uses an 'a' as it's vowel. So how did the word evolve to Diddy, and why? So clearly one of Puff Daddy's friends is a moron (I personally assume that it's Black Rob, he's particularly backwards - whoa!).

Clearly there are exceptions to this 'anti multiple stage name' cult that I'm thinking of starting.
Two of these exceptions come in the shape of MF Doom and Kool Keith. You know why they're allowed to have so many? The answer is two-fold.

1) Both are ever so slightly mentally disturbed

2) Both completely alter their styles depending upon which 'character' they're performing as.

OK, so laying into Puff Daddy seems harsh, but I'm merely trying to make a point.
I'm not saying that artists should not have a stage name, some us us don't have names which easily lend to stages and the like.

With all of this in mind, let's all laugh at the various real names that so many artists cover up....

The real names of many famous singers of this generation